I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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