He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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