how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
