I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
