Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
