I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have aggressive nipples.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
