I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
