she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
