I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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