Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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