Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
