so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
