There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
