the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
