Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
