found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
