I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
