so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
