how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
