I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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