..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
