Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
