ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
