Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
