if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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