Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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