My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
