Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
