I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
