I just cut my nipple shaving
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
