Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
