oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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