i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
