thus making me awesome and them whores
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
