Will you blow on my dice?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
