I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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