He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
