have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
