Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
