It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
