Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
