The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
