i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
