I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
