So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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