I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
