i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
