where does the pee come out of this thing
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
