Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
