New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
