and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I currently don't understand fingers.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
