we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
