Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
