no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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