It's like God shit irony all over that family
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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