you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
