According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So many bounce houses so little time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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