Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
