she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
