I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
