i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
